What´s Worse than Being French?

Being French in July.

Yes, cycling has been hit with another major doping scandal, sending the German, Italian, Spanish, and, though not through his own fault, Kazak favorites home on the night before the start of the sport´s biggest stage. With Lance Armstrong having retired, that means that the top five riders from last year´s Tour will not start this year. Chaos, right?

Wrong! With the favorites now out and their teams depleted, it is all but inevitable that the winner of this year´s Tour de France will either be an American or be a rider on an American team. It is even conceivable that all three men standing on the podium in Paris will be Americans. What´s more, the American riders are relatively young, and this could be a long extension of the American dominance in the country of cheese-eating surrender monkeys. Don´t expect to see much of the french tri-color along the sides of the roads this year. They´ll probably just go with their traditional all-whites.

Como Illegal Immigrat

So last Tuesday, my 90 day visa expired. A day later than I had planned, (Wednesday) I left the country headed San Salvador. At the border on the Guatemalan side, I attempted to obtain a stamp saying that I left the country. He told me that I didn't need it and could return to Guatemala on the same visa even two weeks later. I figured he didn't know what he was talking about, I'd visit El Salvador, and get a new stamp returning from there. (My espanol isn't great, but I figured I knew enough to explain that I had left the country for a few days.)

Upon heading back for Guatemala having spent the requisite 72 hours out of the country - albeit barely - I was pulled off the bus on both sides of the border. Migration in El Salvador seemed totally losts. About a mile before the border, they have an official board the bus to check documents. The woman made me fill out an exit paper that I had earlier been told by the guy working on the bus (not the driver) I didn't need. She gave him my name, and he signaled for me to come to the front of the bus. At the border, he handed me over to another immigration official who couldn't seem to understand what the problem was. This was quite a coincidence since I had no idea what the problem was either. He spoke with one of his colleagues and justs told me to get back on the bus.

On the Guatemalan side, I was again told to get off and that I needed a new stamp in my passport. I was extremely happy to learn that someone knew what they were doing. But when I headed into the office into which she had directed me, I was told that they don't issue new visas at that border crossing. Momentarily I thought that I wasn't going to be permitted to enter the country, but was then told to go to the Migration office in Guate (Guatemala City) on Monday. That conflicted with my travel plans, especially since nobody likes it. So now I'm in Antigua - semi-illegally - waiting for a response from the American embassy, which I e-mailed last night. If nothing else, it's quite consoling to know that foreign governments are as bureaucratic and inept as the American one.

San Salvador was a nice break from Guatemala. Though still short, it is fairly modern and busy. Without a guidebook, I had kind of a tough time orienting myself since those who planned the city were quite obviously more interested in confusing tourists than creating a workable grid. It wasn't just me - a taxi driver I had got pretty lost too.

As confusing as things were, I managed to visit the two churches, a military museum, the city center, and the largest mall in Central America (yes, that is bigger than it sounds). One of the churches looked as though it had been raised in the West while it was still being settled. The other was small and haphazardly finished. I could tell you why, but I've heard differing accounts myself. The military museum was interesting, even though the tour was en espanol, and I don't yet have the vocabulary of killing people and breaking things (at least not on a large scale). One section was dedicated to their participation in the Coalition of the Willing, and the guide was happy to point out the uniform of a US Marine. He also wrote down my poor translation of a plaque that had been given to a company of the Salvadoran military by the US as a thank you for their participation in Operation Iraqi Freedom. It was a small consolation after I had spent the previous hour rather confused by his explinations of how various weapons were used.

Finally, a few of you loyal readers (all three of you) have asked for a translation of "Cesi do toho". "Go Czechs". For future reference, search engines can be very helpful in finding something like that out. (How you people survive without me I'll never know.) Incidentally, since the Czechs and the US went out withing five minutes of each other, I'm now left rooting only for the teams playing France and england.

"Esperamos Aqui"

This morning, I left San Pedro with a heavy heart only 28 hours after I had intended to leave. (I think that's a San Pedro record, but you'd have to have been there to get that.) It was an experience, to say the least. My Spanish now exists, though I certainly wouldn't brag about it.

For the last few weeks, I've taken the chance to chat politics with one of the brothers who runs the school. He has less than a sixth grade education, but has managed to pick up quite a bit from the students passing through. On Thursday, he hired a private pick-up to take the two of us to San Pablo, a neighboring village. While the people of San Pedro have the basics, San Pablo was straight out of a Sally Struthers commercial. We took a stroll around and I saw, among other things, kids (six or seven years old) who should've been in school but who were either working or idling because their parents needed the money or couldn't afford notebooks. Afterwards, I returned to San Pedro to mock the England fans as they had yet another sub-par performance, this time against Trinidad and Tobago.

I also saw someone complete Alegre's Long Island Iced Tea Challenge (drink six and get the seventh free). It was a sight to behold. I have to give him credit. Those Welsh can drink.

A few nights ago I saw my first sunrise in San Pedro with two Ausies, an American, and a frog. Needless to say, it was on the backend of the day. Nonetheless, it was a night well spent.

In leaving, quite a few of the local townspeople whom I helped keep in business were disappointed by my departure. One asked if I planned to come back. When I said that I didn't know, she replied, "Esperamos aqui", or, "we're waiting here".

All in all, it was twelve weeks well spent. I met a bunch of great and weird people (consider the descriptions mutually exclusive), such as a Swede who's moving to England to study a subject he doesn't like to chase after some chick who's with another guy, a Canadian who couldn't shut up about crystal skulls, a professional poker player who's giving that up to open a hotel in the town, and the first (and probably last) limey I'll ever buy a drink.

Now I'm in Guatemala City for a night. Tomorrow I head out to San Salvador with an expired visa. (Hence the 28 hours late leaving San Pedro. Last night I had some mystery potion from the other brother running the school. Worked like a charm.) I expect to be in El Salvador for about a week before returning to Guatemala to see all of the stuff that I haven't yet seen.

CESI DO TOHO

I haven´t forgotten you. The lack of posting has had more to do with the fact that things don´t change in this town - ever. I've been chatting politics with the guy who runs my school. He's found the immigration controversy in the US pretty amusing, and is more sympathetic to the problems it has caused than pretty much anyone else down here. In part, he wonders what he'd think if Americans came down here waving the stars and stripes during a protest.

Yesterday's celebration was pretty lonely, as most of the tourists here considered al-Zarqawi a hapless victim of American imperialism. On the one hand, I never cease to be amazed by these people, one of whom is a Cleveland native now living here. On the other hand, it's consoling to know that it's people like this running the Democratic Party, so as miserably as the GOP does, I won't have to worry about Speaker Pelosi any time soon.

Most importantly, the Copa Mundial gets underway today. It's nice to finally be able to watch it in a place where everyone's attention is focused on it, rather than having to explain it to the very few Americans who take any interest. Quick prediction: The US falls just short of making it out of a tough group, and my people away from my people drop the Argentines in the final after an emotional win over Germany. Cesi do toho!